I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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