I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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