I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
