i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
