i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
