I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
