hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Never joke about your clitoris.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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