kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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