I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
