I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
