Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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