I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
