I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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