i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
