Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
