I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
