She announced her abortion via fbk
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
