Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just found a bag of teeth...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
