direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
