i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
