hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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