My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
