So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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