how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
