Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
