when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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