There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
