I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
