Sponge bath it is.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
