after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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