ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
