He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
