Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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