just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
