This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
