i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
