There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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