God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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