If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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