I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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