I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
