Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am midnight drunk by noon
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
