franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
