whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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