oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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