Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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