Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
