Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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