why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
