So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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