pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
