im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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