I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
