i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
