i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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