U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
