My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
