We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
