whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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