i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
