Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
