Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
