You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
