They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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