I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you inspire me to be a worse person
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
