Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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