Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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