He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
