Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
