she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
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dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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