im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
