mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
