Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
