They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
