i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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