He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
