Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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