You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
